 |
| ||||||
| ||||||
|
|
|
|
|
||
|
Alan H. Cohen www.alancohen.com 
Publisher: Jodere GroupInterviewed By: Zannne Marie Gray Exactly why do peopleÆs lives suck? We don't live authentically. We don't believe in ourselves and we identify the source of our power as outside of us, rather than inside of us. We think that we're subjected to forces beyond our control, when really, we hold the power to live a choice at any moment. So it's just about projecting our true worth and beauty out there and not owning it in here. Why do you think so many people get agitated and angry when they are reminded that they are ultimately responsible for their own happiness and their own misery? Because we've been trained to be victims and to deflect our responsibility to the outside world. And someone said "Take the microscope and turn it into a mirror". In other words, quit looking at your friends foibles and bring it all back home. I think we get to have an investment in being right. Usually we want to be right and make other people wrong. And so it's just the old ego popping up saying, ö I don't want to change. I don't want to look. I want to hold on to the known at all costs, even if the known sucks. It's just a psychological defense mechanism to keep from looking inside. The good news is that once you do you discover your real power and you grow, but until that point, it just seems scary. The book is doing fabulously well, isn't it? Yes, it really is. It's a best seller on Amazon and all the distributors are sold out. It's going into a second printing after one month. It's very gratifying to see that there are people who are getting it. One of the things that I liked about it so much is that it is written from such an equal perspective. There's no pretension whatsoever and so people who are afraid of that, who are turned off by "self-help books" can read it and say "Oh, ok, this is just a guy talking to me." Thank you for noticing that. When people on radio and tv interviews ask me how I got to write the book I say there's two sources, One, there's my own life. And at certain times my life has sucked and I've had to figure out how to "un-suck" it, and these are the lessons I've learned. And the other piece is that I've been working in seminars for over 25 years with folks and after a while you start to see patterns, which are not different than my own. So, it's really "our" book. It's not just me pontificating; it's lessons we've all learned together. ôDonÆt waste time railing against your parentsö is a big idea of yours. If everyone took your advice, lots of psychotherapists would be out of business. Are you against therapy? Not at all. The real question about therapy is how do you feel when you walk out? Do you feel empowered, more whole, more excited about your life, more passionate about your possibilities? Or do you feel deflated, screwed up, needing to be fixed, like you have a lifetime of work ahead of you? Some therapies get people out of trouble and some keep people stuck in it. Not purposely of course. But I'm a fan of therapy that allows people to stand on their own two feet in a relatively short period of time. Now thatÆs not always possible. I have a friend whoÆs a good therapist and I said, ôHow long do you usually keep someone in therapy?ö She said, ôI like to keep someone around 6 months or so.ö And that sounds reasonable to me. I knew someone who was doing primal therapy, and they spoke up in my workshop and said, ôWell, IÆve been doing primal screaming for seven years and I told my therapist that I think IÆm finally ready to leave and he said, ôOh no, youÆre just getting into the work.ö If you enjoy it and get off on it thatÆs one thing, but if it keeps you small, thatÆs another. You live in Maui, a real-life tropical paradise. ItÆs easy for someoneÆs life to not suck there. What about the regular Joe living downtown in a big city, with pollution, high living expenses, and crime. What are they supposed to do to keep their life from sucking? Well, I have two mottos. One is ôYou can make anything out of anything.ö And two is ôTake what you have and make what you wantö. There are two ways that we change our life. One is by changing our environment and the other is by changing our mind. You can sometimes change your environment, but you can always change your mind. And so really itÆs within any human beingÆs capacity to find heaven where they are if they focus. My favorite example is a couple of months ago we were going into the airport parking lot at ChicagoÆs OÆHare, and we were going through the tollbooth and the toll collector was a handsome, older Italian man. As he gave us our change, he sang us a few verses of La Traviata. And he sang to everybody. And this guy took one of the ôlowliest jobsö by anyoneÆs estimation and turned it into an opera hall. He became Enrico Caruso. To me, thatÆs a good example of taking what you have and making what you want. If you could sum up your advise in one sentence, what would it be? Live well; laugh often; love much.
| |||
| |||
